I listen to the sounds of the night, and I am at peace... and yet, there is turmoil—inner struggle. To end this struggle, is to end suffering, is to become a Buddha. I love life, so much; I will miss it when it's gone.
I love to think, more than anything else in the world. Music is like thinking—"when it hits you, you feel no pain."—only joy, only bliss, only a moment of hope that maybe, just maybe, everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.
Change is hard, but it will come. And so will your acceptance of it.
Some mystics believe free-writing is a way to "listen to 'God'"; they say poetry is a personal act of self-revelation. What is deep in your mind will come out, and what you were previously unaware of, comes to the surface threw your pen. Of course this means we've all talked to God, and we simply didn't know it (who it was). "I find it healthy to conversate with myself" ("Self Conscience" - Mobb Deep). This is Prayer: when you listen (to ''yourself''), but do not speak (as ''yourself''). That is, you tap into the unconscious. Deep in that unconscious, is God (or at least, His Voice). Perhaps 'Buddha' (meaning "Awakened One"), means being fully conscious of your unconscious, and therefore, also means being in constant contact with God. This means, when people speak as God (to themselves), they really are speaking on behalf of God. What one person says as God, may only apply to that one particular person (or perhaps multitudes)—but so long as what is said comes from "The Deep" (the unconscious), it is true. This is not what Genesis talks about, but it can be. It was originally an Egyptian description of the sunrise, and the beginning of the day, til the end of night. But as patterns emerge in nature, so may patterns in thinking, and in being. Thinking and Being are intimately close. ("As a man thinketh, so is he").
This is the Law of Attraction: you attract both consciously, and unconsciously (this is why it sometimes appears not to work—or even to work against you). The unconscious mind is much stronger and deeper—it is primal, and predominately rules us—but only until we bring those unconscious thoughts into the light (make them conscious); then, we regain control: we control our being, our experience, our effect on the world. Thus, when we become awakened, God becomes real into the world. "WE" (here, meaning "God") are born... (again).
I have heard someone say, "I have beaten yoga" (the exercise), as though it were some type of game. I would like to beat my "ego", or "self". As a result of this, it may appear to be the case that I am experiencing delusions of grandeur ("ambition, quite often, may be confused with arrogance"). I believe myself exceptional, though not anymore than anyone else could be.
Was Jesus not delusional? Was not Buddha? "Life without suffering, you say?! Impossible!", you say, "No one can be at ease with everything! Life and Death and you take them the same... you, 'Resist Not Evil'?"
This is why I love life—it is a big mystery. "I can sit, I can think, I can fast."—this was the homage to the Buddha, Siddhartha (Hesse). I took this book to heart. Within a year of converting to Buddhism in high-school, we were required to read "Siddhartha". Perhaps, a genuine searching and questioning (without fear of reprisal) brought this about—or, perhaps not. It told me that I was blind to the world, that I am the same as the world, and therefor I do not know myself.
This is spirituality: none other than, getting to know yourself. This is getting to know that "I am who I am". Some have spoken as this "I am", and this is why the two were one. Anyone can do this. When, in the moment, our thoughts are unified ("Hey, I was just thinking that!"), we were occupying the same identical "space"; and therefore, for a moment, a very brief moment, we have shared the same "identity". These moments are precious, and can sometimes even be eerie. This is "holiness" (the "Numinous").
This will sound strange but I wish I could live in the forest, secluded, as a hermit (just for a time)—that is, I would like to go camping. I want to do what they said the Yogis would do. I want to know what pilgrimage feels like; to hitchhike, maybe home, to California.
I love my friends, though I do not always feel they reciprocate; and I dislike the part of myself that thinks I am better than them for that. I see hypocrisy, and I need help ridding myself of it... we all do. This is why, for me, nothing goes unchecked, but everything is always forgiven. Really, its always in everyone's best interest to always forgive all things. Forgive betrayal—it is good for the soul, and strengthens the bond. Therefore, it is good that such a thing as betrayal exists. Hooray for betrayal! It is good to be alive. Pray that you find yourself betrayed by the world—all of it, everyone at all. In your "alone-ness" (different from "loneliness") you come to know exactly who you are—and you come to know "God" (which is also always interchangeable with "universe"). You keep this alone-ness with you, and you can use it whenever. As in, "standing alone in a crowd" (which has a triple meaning). This is where you meet "I am"—and so Moses went to meditate alone, on the mountain, and Jesus went to meditate alone, in the garden, and Muhammad went to meditate, on the mountain. Blessed are we that come in the name of Love, for we appear in the image of God, and are called his Sons (see Genesis). And has there ever been love without peace? (or at least as its goal in every form) "Blessed are the peacemakers, they shall be called god's children." Sadly, it is possible to aim at peace, and arrive at war.
How to fix this? LISTEN to each other; and when your mind is quiet enough, you can listen to yourselves, and finally, you will be able to hear God. Prayer is listening, and nothing else. If you are the one doing the 'talking' (thinking), you are doing it wrong. This is also meditation. Meditation is watching for the thoughts, Prayer is listening to your thoughts.
The patterns of life are a glorious symphony—we are all audience members of the greatest show on earth, "The World".
I want a small home in a quiet area (but hell, I love the city too). I want a meager, nearly meaningless job, just for now (but I would be a fire fighter, or a professor). Oh, to pull that trigger and know ego death - "Happiness is a warm gun", and life begins when your world is shattered.
I love being eccentric. I call this "original", "distinguished". I call the rest posers—trying to fool themselves more than anyone else. Maybe this is what I'm doing—If so, I love to play the fool.
"I just believe in me—and that's reality". This is like playing connect the dots in an "infinite game". And so they say, "He who knows himself, knows God." Don't you remember we told ourselves "we are gods"? (Psalm 82). Therefore, based on the assumption "you are gods", I and everyone else, can be logically sound, and theologically justified, in making such a statement. Its really quite simple, and yet it seems so radical to do so. Perhaps because so many lunatics do it and so when we hear it we switch onto autopilot and tune it out, "Oh yeah, you're God? And I'm the muffin man." It's the crazy ones we should listen to... to see just how crazy they are... or we are. For this reason the queen shaman told the western soldier "we shall see if we can rid you of your insanity." It seems if everyone is crazy, then no one is. and if none are, then we all are. If I am, I must tell you, its so much fun! Whatever this is, there is nothing better. May I please live this way forever? Right now, there is no suffering, only fun. It's just plain fun. Hooray for this opportunity to be alone with myself, and also the opportunity to share what I have discovered with others. Joy to the world! I truly love you all. This will sound nuts, but I sometimes envision myself surrounded by light, glowing as well, with my face in the clouds, looking down and smiling on everyone with sunshine sun rays. I cannot say if this is Heaven, but I know I am no one other than myself. But I feel this is my ultimate goal. My "self" defeat (ego death). "It is better to conquer yourself than the entire world" (Buddha).
Why can't we tell the truth? Why can't we be more open? Are we afraid? There is nothing to be afraid of. Why fear your mother? She loves you... even when she doesn't (stole that line from "californication").
And yet I know I am not worthy of this bliss. I am pride and shame at once. I am the glory of the Lord, and yet, I have no majesty. I am powerless and weak, and yet I am stupendous. Justify yourself and your life, even if only to yourself. I am nothing, perfect freedom. I am poetry, perfect bliss. I am the sun, the moon, and the stars, all in a perfect kiss. But I have yellow eyes, and I cannot see them well in the light. You need the darkness to see who I am—as we all do. We need pain and suffering. Life is "Sublime"—beautiful and dangerous at the same time. I have committed violence against my fellow man and I would be put to shame. I have not yet paid off this debt. I am gambling—gather round, and place your bets. I am a risk taker of the highest caliber, and yet I am scared shit-less. Brilliant. I love it. "Do not go gentle into that good night!", and yet, "To die would be an awfully big adventure" (Peter Pan). Interesting how Shakespeare refers to it as a "good" night, isn't it? Perhaps, and this is the most important, there is no such thing as death (Yet, I don't mean to say I will live forever). Just, there is no perfect darkness—there is no absolute zero (degrees Kelvin)—there is no perfect stillness, there is always motion, there is always life (you might even say motion is eternal). And for this reason Heraclitus said the world is made of fire—it is alive!
Ha! I wanted to be homeless (Samana) and now I am! Thank you for answering my prayers! Henry David Thoreau, and the Hindu Yogis, as well as the author of Conversations With God, and the character in Fight Club... they were all homeless, or lived in the wilderness.
I address my own sanity, because this is the most sane thing to do. Period. I speak with authority because I have yet to be proven wrong (but will yield the moment it happens). What better way to guarantee you are right than to make sure you are not wrong? Apologies. My mind is moving to fast for my pen to catch, so I can only use an aphoristic style for now. Rest assure a ton of explanation has been left out, but I will give you my best.
When you beg someone to let you do a favor for them, that is the beginning of "Resist Not", especially if that favor comes at a great expense to yourself.
A man needs only seven friends, seven families.
I am ashamed to have stolen—this is a debt I cannot repay. Yet I will attempt to, by freely offering anything I own to anyone anytime. This is why I am writing. This is all I own and I give it all to you.
To believe in evil—to perceive evil—requires a most arrogant perspective. It is a high requirement to perceive it. But is it evil for fire to burn? For virus to disease? To hunt? To consume? This has been the way of the world since the beginning, and we have foolish pride to call it violence? Ah-ha! I do not have delusions of grandeur (as I do not think myself any better than others can be), I am an enthusiast of the highest caliber! Thus we literally are the children of the Most High. We really did "Become like God" Yet we are not God, and therefore we fell infinitely short.
"Break on through to the other side"
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